Cryin' for Me
by CrazyHorseNinja
Summary: After Hughes' murder Mustang starts to lose it and becomes more suicidal than ever. Can a childhood friend and a hero help him when they can't help themselves? AU, inspired by Cryin' for me by Toby Kieth. Twoshot. Dedicated to the memory of Sylvia Ahermae
1. Chapter 1

**Cryin' for Me**

Lyrics by Toby Kieth

"Sorry you missed me  
I'll get back with you as soon as I can  
Thank you and god bless"

Mustang wiped the tears from his face and looked out the window at the pouring rain. He sighed and opened a drawer. He pulled out his old pistol and carefully examined it. "I can't see a reason to live without him to save me. I don't know how many times he's taken this gun from me and told me to stop. Now he's gone and I can't keep this up anymore."

Got the news on Friday mornin'  
But a tear I couldn't find  
You showed me how I'm supposed to live  
And now you showed me how to die  
I was lost till Sunday mornin'  
I woke up to face my fear  
While I'm writing you this goodbye song  
I found a tear

He looked sadly at the photograph on his desk. It was him and Hughes smiling together after a long day on the battlefield. Mustang picked it up and took a closer look. "He died and was elevated to General."

I'm gonna miss that smile  
I'm gonna miss you my friend  
Even though it hurts the way it ended up  
I'd do it all again  
So play it sweet in heaven  
'Cause that's right where you wana be  
I'm not crying because I feel so sorry for you  
I'm crying for me

Meanwhile, Night was at the local bar downing numerous drinks. She took a break and picked up the phone. She dialed Hughes' private number. The answering message filled Night's ears. She smiled faintly and replaced the receiver. She shook her head and sighed.

I got up and dialed your number  
And your voice came on the line  
That old familiar message  
I heard a thousand times it just said  
Sorry that I missed you  
Leave a message and god bless  
I know you think I'm crazy  
But I had to hear your voice again

"Hey barkeep, hit me up will ya?" Night gratefully accepted the glass and downed the alcohol in one gulp. She was beginning to feel the effects of the drinks and swayed a little. "Uff, it's still not enough. Set me up with another!" She swallowed the drink, payed, and stumbled out of the bar. The dragon slipped on the wet ground and fell. She looked up and locked eyes with Hawkeye.

I'm gonna miss that smile  
I'm gonna miss you my friend  
Even though it hurts the way it ended up  
I'd do it all again  
So play it sweet in heaven  
'Cause that's right where you wana be  
I'm not crying because I feel so sorry for you  
I'm crying for me

"How can you do this Admiral?" The Lieutenant helped Night up and supported her as they walked. "Should we go see Roy? I've been worried about him." She sneezed and shook her head. "I've been out too long."

"Are you okay Riza? You don't look so good. Your eyes are all bloodshot and watery."

"You're no flower yourself." Hawkeye sneezed again. "I've been wandering about for hours in this rain. I must've caught a cold or something. It's nothing – a-choo! Ugh, maybe we should hurry."

"Yeah, let's pick up the pace. I'm feeling a bit drowsy and this rain isn't helping the throbbing headache I've got."

So play your upside-down, left handed  
Backwards base guitar  
And I'll see you on the other side  
Superstar

Mustang heard the knock on his door but ignored it and held the muzzle of the pistol to his temple. There was another knock, followed by another and another.

"Roy?" Night called. "Roy, please open thee door! Come on! We really need to talk to you! Please open up!"

I'm gonna miss that smile  
I'm gonna miss you my friend  
Even though it hurts the way it ended up  
I'd do it all again  
So play it sweet in heaven  
'Cause that's right where you wana be  
I'm not crying because I feel so sorry for you  
I'm crying for me

"Roy, we're here for you if you need us!" Hawkeye added. The statement caused Mustang to falter. The gun fell to his shoulder just as he pulled the trigger.

The sound of the gun firing made Night instinctively bust the door down. "Roy? Roy what's going on? Where are you?" She followed the scent of gunpowder and poked her head into Mustang's study. She saw him lying on the floor, his left shoulder spurting blood. "Riza come quick! He's hurt!"

I'm still crying  
I'm crying for me  
I'm still crying

Mustang's vision faded to black as Night and Hawkeye worked to stop the bleeding. He saw the worry and fear on their faces and immediately felt regret for his actions. "… I'm… sorry…"


	2. Chapter 2

**Cryin' for Me**

It was still raining when Mustang woke the next evening. His shoulder was painful and wrapped in bandages to help stop the bleeding. He looked to his right and saw Hawkeye sitting a few feet away with a box of tissues on her lap. She was asleep.

"Riza?"

Mustang's voice woke Hawkeye and she jerked her head up. "Roy! You're awake. I was so worried." She sneezed into a tissue and chuckled. "I was out in the rain last night. I caught a cold. But enough about me. How are you?"

"I've… been better." Mustang stared blankly at the ceiling. "Why did you come last night? You shouldn't have. I don't want you involved in my personal battles. There's a reason I went home alone last night. I should've died a long time ago."

"You mean the Ishbalan war?" Hawkeye shook her head. "Roy, don't dwell on the past. That's what drives you forward. Always live for today."

"Tomorrow may never come." Night poked her head into the room. "An old philosopher once said, 'Each day you live is a gift. That is why it is called the present.' Heh, people really should think about what they have currently more than what they want or don't have." She closed her eyes. "Eheh, I _hate_ hangovers. I don't know _why_ I drank that much!"

Hawkeye sighed. "Why does anyone do anything anymore anyways?" She and Night laughed a little. Hawkeye looked back at Mustang. "Roy, it's not your fault things are the way they are. You had nothing to do with it. Things like this are just a part of everyday life here."

Night smiled. "Or as Papa always said: 'Ssh… It happens.'" She giggled at the memory of her father. "I lost a lot but I still go on like Papa and Mama always told me to. I've done so many things I wish I never did. You're not the only person in this world with problems like ours."

Mustang looked down. "I know. You and everyone else in the military carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and you just shrug and bear it. I can't seem to be able to do that. That's why I keep trying to kill myself. Everyone I care for has told me that death isn't the way to escape the pain that's already been inflicted." He sniffled. "My mind understands but my body refuses to listen. The more I try to end it the worse my heart hurts."

Hawkeye snorted. "You should really hear yourself speak, Roy. You sound so pathetic. You make yourself appear weak, insignificant…"

"Worthless," Night finished. "You know, there's a saying we have in my homeland for people like that. 'Gary Stu.' Or 'Mary Sue' for women. But that's beside the point. Right now I'm going to tell you this one thing." She leaned close to Mustang's ear and took a deep breath. "… STOP BEING SUCH A GARY STU!!!"

Mustang cringed. "Okay, I understand Admiral! But how does any of this help me get over my self-inflicted pain? Why are you telling me all this?"

Hawkeye shook her head. "You just don't get it do you? This doesn't help you get over anything. It helps you help _yourself_ get over the pain. Only you can get over the pain. No one else is feeling the exact same thing as you."

Night nodded. "That's right. Just as your fingerprint is unique only to you, so too is the pain you are feeling right now. You may share some of the same pain but it's on different levels and for different reasons. Are you beginning to understand yet Roy?"

"I… I think so," Mustang said in confusion. "What I understand is that I need to get myself back on my feet even though I feel like I'd be better off dead."

"Wow," Hawkeye mused. "He got it all on the first try. Now there's something you don't see every day."

Night blinked in agreement. "Well that's new. He's more observant than he lets on."

"Are you two done? I can hear you both just fine. You're standing next to me after all."

"Yeah, we're done," Night replied. "I have to get going. Gracia and Elysia are going to need someone to help them arrange a memorial service for Maes." The dragon saluted and padded quickly out of the room.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Hawkeye asked. "I mean, are you _really_ okay? Does your shoulder hurt at all? Can you feel your hand?"

"Riza," Mustang sighed, "I'm fine. You don't have to worry. I've obtained worse injuries than this from the Ishbalan war."

"Yes, but you could've died then. You lost your leg and almost bled out. I just want to-…"

Mustang silenced her by placing a finger on her lips. "Riza, this is nothing. I survived the leg and other various wounds." He pulled his hand away. "Now, go home and get some rest. I don't want your cold turning into pneumonia. And make sure you don't spread that to the rest of the military. We're no good to our country if we're all sick."

Hawkeye smiled. "I'm glad you're doing better. You look like you're feeling happier." She stood up and saluted. "I'll come in and check on you tomorrow morning, okay?" When Mustang nodded Hawkeye turned to leave.

"Oh, Riza, before you go I have one more thing to say." He waited for Hawkeye to face him again. "Come closer." She did. "… Thank you for believing in me. You kept urging me onward even when I wanted to give up. I could never ask for a better subordinate than you." He chuckled. "That's all. Go home and rest. You deserve it."


End file.
